


The Whole Package

by Car



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bad Puns, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Oblivious Eddie Kaspbrak, Post-IT (2017), Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Teenage Losers Club (IT), sooo many dick puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27692126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Car/pseuds/Car
Summary: He was glad for it, don't get him wrong. Of course he was. He had a soulmate! Someone who was made just for him, who would love him unconditionally, and he in return. He looked back down at his soulmark, reminding himself what it symbolized, what it represented, what it meant, and admittedly, felt a little better.God, did it have to look so much like adickthough?Richie was never going to let him hear the end of this.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 30
Kudos: 242





	The Whole Package

**Author's Note:**

> People still like soulmate AUs right?? I'm not like, two years behind, right???
> 
> This is the sad result of me trying to write a cute, fluffy, soulmate AU; dick jokes. Alllll the dick jokes. 
> 
> I am so sorry. (I'm not actually sorry)

**The Whole Package**

Eddie couldn't catch a fucking break.  
  


Like, could not. Even a little. It was ridiculous, and frankly, he was about ready to have a tantrum about it, and he didn't even feel embarrassed about that because it was fucking _earned_ at this point.  
  


Eddie was only fourteen years old, and already, his father had died of cancer, his mother had lost her damn mind and manipulated him into thinking he was sick for most of his life, he was picked on in school because of his hypochondria, his fanny pack, and the fact that he was, like, a whole fucking foot shorter than everyone else in his grade, he was twitchy and hot-headed, just a hair too ' _girly_ ', and a horrible student at the end of the day, barely scraping by with C's in most of his classes, and, oh yeah, how could he forget—  
  


He was one of seven kids in the entire world who had to fight a fucking murderous, shape-shifting clown in the sewers before even escaping middle school!  
  


Lucky him!!  
  


And now. _Now._   
  


This.   
  


Just to top it all off, he, freshly fourteen as of five-o-seven that morning, was officially continuing the long, arduous, horrible journey through puberty with his very own, brand new soulmark.   
  


A soulmark that looked a whole lot like a _goddamn penis_.  
  


Because _of course_ it fucking did.  
  


"At least I have a soulmate," he mumbled to himself in defeat, staring at the small splotch of blue and brown and red that had appeared on the skin of his right hip sometime during the night. Distractingly, he poked it. It felt just like regular skin.   
  


He was glad for it, don't get him wrong. Of course he was. He had a soulmate! Someone who was made just for him, who would love him unconditionally, and he in return. Someone perfectly designed to care about and love him in just the right way, and they actually existed and were out in the world somewhere! That was awesome! Not everyone had that, and he was lucky to be one of those people.  
  


He looked back down at his soulmark, reminding himself what it symbolized, what it represented, what it meant, and admittedly, felt a little better.   
  


God, did it have to look so much like a fucking _dick_ though?  
  


Richie was never going to let him hear the end of this.  
  


O  
  


Bev had been the first one of them to get her soulmark when she was eleven, unsurprisingly earlier than the rest of them, since girls tended to go through puberty before boys did. It looked like nothing much to Eddie, when he had first seen it on her left ribs that day they had all gone swimming at the quarry _That Summer,_ but she had twisted her body around to get a good look at it, shrugged, and told them she kind of thought it looked a little like a a lopsided, bumpy, orange and blue heart.   
  


Most soulmarks tended to look like a whole lot of nothing, Eddie thought. Sure, they usually grew in with fun, bright and swirling colors, but the overall shapes of most of the soulmarks he had seen could be best described as "amorphous blob".   
  


"That's kind of the point, though," Ben pointed out when he had expressed this to them all one day in the clubhouse. "Every pair of soulmarks need to look different and unique from others, so you know your match when you see it."   
  


Which, yeah, okay, fair enough, but Eddie still thought it was pretty silly for people to look for clear shapes or symbols where there simply wasn't one.   
  


" _Doesn't it look like a butterfly?_ " he spat mockingly to Richie and Bill as they made their way through the halls on their way to the cafeteria, mocking Greta Keene's stupid voice from when she had been showing off her soulmark for half of their health class. "No, Greta, it looks like a pile of shit, actually. Just like everyone else's."  
  


"Perfectly fitting for her _delightful_ personality," Richie agreed with a smirk, making Eddie snort.   
  


Bill smiled, shrugging. "Muh-maybe if you squint?"  
  


"That's actually super helpful then," Richie laughed, "If Greta was my soulmate, I'd do anything I could to keep from looking directly at her, too."  
  


That had been back in September. Now, two months later, it was only Bev, Mike (who had gotten his during _That Summer_ and therefore made next to no fuss over it and kept his pretty quiet and hidden for whatever reason), and now himself, who had gotten their marks, though Eddie was pretty sure the rest of the guys were close behind judging by the sudden growth spurts, acne, and crackly voices his friends we're sporting more and more of every day.   
  


Still, despite his perpetual baby face (and voice and... overall _everything_ , goddamnit), Eddie knew his friends would be waiting around for him by the bike rack at school to see if this birthday had been the one.   
  


And, because Eddie was a horrible liar to everyone but his mother, he knew he had no choice but to spill the beans. Fuck.  
  


"Happy birthday, Eddie!" the small group cheered as he shook his head but waved at them mildly. Eddie noted absently that Stan and Richie weren't there yet, not that that was much of a surprise. They usually rode to school together and Richie was almost always running late.   
  


"Hey, guys. Thanks." He locked his bike into place, rolling his eyes as he felt their intense, heated stares boring into the back of his head. A single, long white puff of hot breath left his lips into the chilly November air and he sighed, standing up from his crouch, leveling them with an unimpressed glare, and mumbling out, "Yeah, I got it, you weirdos. Stop it."  
  


The Losers cheered, enveloping Eddie in a bone crushing hug, ruffling his hair and asking to see it. Eddie huffed, wiggling out of their grasp.  
  


"You guys! Jesus, it's just a blob!"  
  


"But you _got_ it," Mike said with a grin, throwing an arm around an equally grinning Bev. "You're part of the elite Losers Club now, man. Welcome! I had a feeling you'd get yours next."   
  


Eddie flushed, fidgeting with his backpack straps. "Yeah, 'cause my birthday was next, obviously," he grumbled, and then, partly to change the conversation before it got even more embarrassing and partly to just get it over with, asked, "Do you guys wanna see it, or not?"  
  


As the others jumped back to give him some space, nodding excitedly, Eddie bit his lip, took a deep breath, and pulled up his jacket and shirt just enough for the mark to show. Thankfully, he knew Bev, Ben, Bill, and Mike would be pretty cool about the particular... _configuration_ of the mark. Hell, they may not even bring it up. Really, the only person he really had to worry about commenting on the particular shape was—  
  


"Hey, what the fuck are you guys doing?"  
  


Richie.   
  


"Eddie got his s-soulmark," Bill explained as Stan and Richie locked up their bikes and walked over to join them.   
  


"Happy birthday, Eddie," Stan said at the same time Richie practically yelled, "No shit? Let me see!" and pushed his way into the circle.   
  


Eddie winced, waiting just a few long, tortuous moments before cracking open an eye and watching as Richie finally spotted and registered his soulmark, his face morphing into an amused and shit-eating grin.   
  


"Eds..." he began, his voice going all high and squeaky.  
  


" _No_ ," Eddie snapped.   
  


" _Eds...!_ "  
  


"Don't you _fucking_ dare say anything, Rich. I'm serious."  
  


Ben, bless his heart, looked between the two of them, confused. "What?" he asked. Bev put a light hand on his shoulder and shook her head.  
  


"Richie..." she warned, but it was too late, Richie was already beaming like Christmas had come early, looking to all the world like he was ready to fall to his knees and thank the universe for giving him such a precious gift.   
  


"Eds!" he cried, practically vibrating. "Your soulmark looks like a _dick_!"   
  


Eddie groaned, pulling his jacket back down into place and rounding back on Richie. "Shut up, asshole!" he huffed. "Could you be any louder? I don't think the entire fucking town heard you!"  
  


"Oh my god, dude, it's got balls and everything!"  
  


"It does _not_ , fuckface! It's just a fucking blob!"  
  


"Yeah, a blob that looks exactly like a huge, raging boner! Hey, hey Eds, maybe we should trade names. Richard is a far more accurate name for you now, don't you think, Dick?"  
  


Thus officially began the four longest months of Eddie's life.   
  


"I can't with him anymore, Stan," he moaned one rainy afternoon in early March as they made their way to fifth period English. "I don't even know how he keeps coming up with all these different slang words for penis. It's like, he has a... a _dicksaurus_ or something."  
  


Stan raised an eyebrow in contemplation. "Dicksaurus? Like a dinosaur?"  
  


"A thesaurus for dicks, actually."  
  


Stan thought for a moment, smirking primly. "I mean, if _anyone_ had one..."  
  


Eddie groaned. "He spent all last month calling me _Eddie B._ _Johnson_. I never thought I would actually miss Eds or Eddie Spaghetti, but I'd take _anything_ over, fucking, _Willy Wonka,_ or _The Bone Ranger_ , or fucking _Schlong John Silver_ , or whatever the fuck."  
  


Stan, the traitor, snorted. "Okay, _The Bone Ranger_ is actually pretty funny." Eddie scrunched up his nose and elbowed Stan pathetically in the side, pouting.  
  


"Stan! You're supposed to be on my side, here!"  
  


"I am! I am!" he chuckled. "Listen, his birthday is next week, right? I bet he'll get his soulmark, and god willing, it'll look just as ridiculous as yours, and you'll be able to get him back tenfold, okay?"  
  


Eddie sighed. "It better. If I end up with this bullshit, and he gets like, a perfect fucking square or something, I'm gonna scream."  
  


Stan, smiling just a little deviously, opened the door to the classroom for Eddie to slip in, eyeing his weird little smirk suspiciously. "We'll just have to see," he sang, following Eddie to their desks, where Bill waved to them in greeting.   
  


Eddie, though wary, decided it was best for his sanity not to ask.   
  


O  
  


Richie's birthday was on a Wednesday.   
  


Unfortunately, as he continued lamenting to them practically all day, he wasn't actually born until ten forty-seven at night, so if he got his soulmark, it wouldn't even be until almost midnight.   
  


Apparently, Ben and Stan were going over to the Toziers that evening to help keep him company until it hopefully showed up, which was, you know, _fine_ , Eddie supposed. From the way they were talking it seemed like something they had planned well in advance at some point, and it's not like Eddie's mom would have let him go over on a school night, especially to stay that late, so it was _fine_ that they didn't invite him. He didn't even care.   
  


He _didn't_. It was _fine_.  
  


He glanced at his watch just as it clicked over to ten forty-three, and took a deep, shuddering breath.  
  


Why was he even nervous right now? he thought to himself, a little wildly. Was he really this jumpy about the idea of Richie getting an embarrassing soulmark like his own? Was he seriously that desperate for new material to tease Richie about? Like Richie's whole... _everything else_ wasn't enough, and he needed this too?  
  


Sure, Richie had been a real ( _lord help him_ ) dick about his soulmark, but even Eddie thought he was being kind of weird about this, and Eddie was nothing if not totally aware about how weird he was about most things.  
  


So why was Eddie being so weird about this?!  
  


Bill had gotten his soulmark back in January, and Eddie could barely remember it, besides them all finding out it didn't match Bev's, which was a whole other thing he was happy to keep himself out of, thank you.   
  


True, Bill hadn't been the one making his life a living hell for four months straight, but Eddie was still excited for him when he got it, even if it didn't match Bev's. _Excited_! Not whatever this weird, bubbly, nauseous feeling in his gut was.  
  


( _Deep down, Eddie had a hunch he knew exactly what that feeling was. He chose, stubbornly, to ignore that hunch._ )  
  


He checked his watch again. Ten forty-nine. Fuck.  
  


A sudden, loud _thump_ hit Eddie's window. "Fuck!"   
  


"— _ie!_ "   
  


He blinked at the window, jumping slightly as another thump sounded against the glass, a thick clod of grass and dirt exploding against the window and raining back down to the ground. Cautiously, he tip-toed over to the window and pulled it open before anything larger or harder could hit it and break something.  
  


Down on the grass, Richie stared up at him with big, unblinking eyes. "Rich?" he asked, in a loud whisper. "What the fuck are you doing?"  
  


"Can I come up?" He called back.  
  


Eddie blinked in surprise and checked behind him to the hallway quickly out of habit, even though his door was closed. "Do you have any idea what time it is?" he cried, straining to listen for any sign of his mother moving around.   
  


Richie rolled his eyes. "After ten forty-seven," he grumbled, and _oh_ , oh yeah, right, _fuck_. "Can you just let me in, dude? Please?"  
  


Eddie swore, running his hand through his hair and hopping around on the balls of his feet. "Fuck, _fuck_ , fine. Just, fucking, stay there, and be fucking quiet! I'll let you in through the kitchen."  
  


His mom had always been a pretty heavy sleeper thankfully, otherwise Eddie was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to get away with a lot of the things he was able to get away with, but he still took extra care to tip-toe down the stairs and through the living room where his mom was dead to the world in her recliner, reruns of " _Happy Days_ " playing quietly on the TV and into the kitchen.   
  


He cracked open the door to the back patio quietly, shushing Richie before he could even open his big mouth, and motioned for him to follow. Richie had snuck in enough times over the years to know the old routine by now, but Eddie could tell they both had a potentially dangerous kind of nervous energy about them right then, that he couldn't help but try to keep Richie in line until they were back in his room with the door firmly closed and locked behind them.   
  


Allowing himself no more than a moment to sigh in relief at making it back to safety unheard, Eddie immediately spun back to face Richie, who jumped just a little in surprise. "What the fuck, dude?" he demanded. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you with Stan and Ben?"  
  


Richie, bizarrely, gulped, his eyes wide and huge behind his glasses. "I got my soulmark," he replied quietly.  
  


Eddie froze, finding himself standing up straighter at the news for some reason. He had figured that. Of _course_ he had figured that. And yet... "Oh," he breathed.  
  


"Yeah."  
  


He bit his lip, subconsciously running his gaze over Richie's exposed skin. "Where—?"   
  


Richie cleared his throat and pointed to his back. "Uh, here-ish. On my shoulder."  
  


"Oh. Uh, cool. Congrats."  
  


An uncomfortable silence fell between them, awkward in its unfamiliarity. Richie shuffled his feet a little, looking pained. "Listen, Eds—"  
  


"Can I see it?" Eddie interrupted in a rush before he could stop himself. Which, honestly, was a stupid thing to ask, now that Eddie stopped and actually fucking thought about it. Of _course_ he could see it, why _else_ would Richie come over but to show him?   
  


But, strangely and completely against all rhyme or reason, Richie looked nervous. "You wanna see it?"  
  


Eddie raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that why you came over? To show me?"  
  


Richie barked out a rather hysterical laugh at that, the top of his cheeks pinking slightly. "Right, yeah. _Fuck_." He sighed, going to pull down the collar of his shirt, but pausing to shoot Eddie an incomprehensible, almost pained look. Eddie narrowed his eyes.   
  


"What?"  
  


"N-nothing! Nothing. Just—!" Richie made a sound in the back of his throat, an irritated kind of growl mixed with a whine, before finally quickly yanking the collar of his shirt down, exposing his shoulder...  
  


...And a very _familiar_ , very _phallic_ soulmark along with it.   
  


" _HA!_ " Eddie cried, pointing victoriously. "Oh my god! Serves you right, asshole!"  
  


Richie, flabbergasted, gawked at Eddie in surprise. " _What?_ "  
  


"Your soulmark!" Eddie exclaimed, beaming. "Poetic fucking justice! You spend half a year making fun of mine, it's only fair that you end up with one exactly...exactly... uh...like it..." He trailed off, his mouth going dry as realization slowly sunk in. "...Rich," he gulped. "What...?"  
  


Richie nodded, smiling at Eddie apologetically. "I think we're soulmates, dude."  
  


Immediately, any and all coherent thoughts turned to static in Eddie's head.  
  


"Wait," he began, starting to pace around his room as Richie followed his movements with his eyes and remaining unnervingly still. "Wait, wait, _wait_. What the fuck do you mean we're.... We're fucking soulmates?" he demanded, his hand slicing through the air. "How are we soulmates? We're both boys! Oh god," he gasped. "We're both boys. We're both boys and we're soulmates in fucking _Derry_. Oh, oh god, oh fuck..." He took a deep breath in an attempt to calm his labored breathing before spinning to face Richie in pure, wide-eyed panic. "How the _fuck_ are you so calm about this right now?!"  
  


"I dunno, dude!" Richie shrugged, helplessly. "I guess—I guess I just kinda... knew already?"  
  


"You _knew?"_ Eddie gasped. "What do you mean, _you knew_? You didn't _know_! You _can't_ know!"  
  


"Well, I'd fucking _hoped_!" Richie snapped, effectively shutting Eddie up. He fiddled with his glasses, his eyes roving over everything in the room but Eddie himself. "I mean... _Fuck_ , dude. I've had a crush on you since we were in third grade. I've had a lot of time to think about this."   
  


Eddie gaped, his mind taking far longer to process Richie's words than he had thought humanly possible as his throat and mouth tried to make sense of all the half-formed questions waiting to spill ungracefully from his lips. Was Richie being serious right now? He... He liked him? Like _that_? Eddie flexed his fingers, itching to make a grab for his useless inhaler.   
  


Did that mean that all along... All this time... Richie had...?  
  


"But you said you liked that girl from Magic Camp in third grade," he finally mumbled quietly, and it wasn't even _close_ to what he had wanted to say. Richie scoffed.  
  


"On my _god_. There _were_ no girls at Magic Camp, dipshit. It was _Magic Camp._ "  
  


"How the fuck was I supposed to know that?" he grumbled, feeling as his face flush as he realized how fucking telling it probably was that he had _remembered that in the first place, dear lord_ , _Eds_. "I thought Magic Camp sounded cool."  
  


Richie groaned, burying his face in his hands, his glasses pushed up into his hair. "Dude, _please_ don't say adorable shit like that right now, okay? I feel bad enough about this already."  
  


"What?" Eddie asked, suddenly surprised and a little self-conscious. "What do you mean you _feel bad enough about this_? What's that supposed to mean?"  
  


"Nothing! I just..." he sighed. "Listen, I know I'm not exactly what one would call a first choice for a soulmate, so—"  
  


"Rich, what are you fucking talking about?" he demanded, cutting him off because it was suddenly the most important thing in the world that Richie understood what Eddie was thinking at that moment. "Of course you're my first choice for a soulmate, shithead. You're my best fucking friend."  
  


"Wh-what?" Richie breathed, but Eddie held up his hand to silence him.  
  


"Okay, yeah, Derry sucks. But you're like, one of the few good things about being stuck here. Sure, we probably can't tell anyone but the Losers about being soulmates until we get the fuck out of here, and I'm sure I'm gonna have a fucking panic attack in, like, an hour when the adrenaline wears off and I have to come to terms with the fact that I'm into dudes and am only just now realizing how cute I think you are, but that was inevitable, honestly, so whatever. Sooner better than later, get it over with. And let's be real, I already know not to believe any of the shit my mom's told me, right? So the panic wont even last that long. And at least I _know_ you. I'm already familiar with your particular brand of disgusting dumbassery, which is actually a huge relief. So, like, fuck you, and shut up about feeling bad because you’re gonna be a fucking fantastic soulmate, okay? And I’m happy about it. We've faced worse shit than a few small-minded Derry assholes. At least we'll get to do this together." He paused, pursing his lips. "Even if you _were_ an asshole about the mark thing."  
  


Rant finished, he turned back to Richie, only to find him openly gazing at him wistfully, his watery eyes just on the edge of spilling over. Eddie felt his heart wedge itself in his throat.  
  


"Please don't cry," he pleaded.   
  


"No promises."  
  


"I'm still going to make fun of your soulmark looking like a dick."  
  


" _Our_ soulmark, baby." Richie drawled wetly in some kind of weird, old Hollywood voice that had Eddie rolling his eyes as Richie's smile only grew. "I deserve and welcome it."  
  


Eddie snorted at that, biting his lip. "You've really had a crush on me since third grade?" he asked after a beat, slowly making his way across the room.   
  


Richie nodded, solemnly. "Like, _huge_ crush. Embarrassing. Ben and Stan insisted they be there for the big reveal, just in case we didn't end up matching and they needed to talk me down off a ledge. Ben even brought ice cream for me to cry into."  
  


"Aww." He grinned and shuffled a bit closer. "Did you just ditch them at your place to rush over here?"  
  


"Dude, I've never ridden my bike so fast in my _life_." He beamed. "I'd say I've never been so happy to see a dick before, but, well, we both now know _that's_ not true."  
  


Eddie, now close enough to Richie to place a hand over his mouth, did so, smirking sardonically. "Maybe stop talking?"  
  


Richie gave a dorky little thumbs up. Biting back the goofy grin he was sure was on his face, Eddie carefully moved his hand and gave him a small, chaste kiss on the cheek that even in its innocence, had Richie turning a deep, bright red.   
  


Oh _wow_ , that was cute. Maybe Eddie could get used to this.   
  


"Alright, Woody," he said, clapping once as Richie cackled at the nickname. "I'm tired. Get out of here so I can have my panic attack and a full night's sleep in peace."   
  


Richie grinned. "You got it, Hot Rod. See you tomorrow?" he asked, opening the bedroom door to sneak back downstairs. "Get this _ball_ rolling, so to speak?"  
  


"Oh, we've graduated to testicle jokes now? Awesome." Eddie grinned right back. "Our friends are gonna hate us."  
  


Richie beamed, leaning in and kissing him quickly on the cheek, just as Eddie had done, before pulling away and winking. Eddie's heart did a little flip in his chest.

"Eds," Richie laughed, "we're gonna drive them _nuts._ "

**Author's Note:**

> Ah, puns. Gotta love em!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!! I know my Kid!Losers fics never do quite as well as my adult!Losers fics, but I do hope I was able to do them justice. There are definitely parts of this I don't suuuper love, but the idea wouldn't leave my brain, so I hard to do it. As long as _someone_ out there enjoys it, it was worth it. :)
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


End file.
